It’s a Small Uber World After All
 

Chapter Seven
FlyBigD

It seemed like a good idea, at the time. Now, there's a phrase for ya. The perfect description of both hind sight in action and the difference between theory and application in one tidy package, it's a saying everybody's heard and probably even said, once or twice. Take Teddy, for instance.

Like most people, she'd had her fair share of hit and misses, where bright ideas were concerned, and, like some people, she'd learned enough from her mistakes, over the years, to recognize a half-baked notion, when she heard it. The down side was, like most people, this didn't necessarily mean Teddy was immune from getting a wild hare, every once in awhile. Far from it. Like everybody else, sometimes when something came along that was just too good to be true it was just too good to pass up.

Case in point, after waiting for what seemed like forever for Holly to clear her calendar, Teddy was about to give up on them ever getting to spend a romantic weekend together, when she received a call from her cousin Max, aka Big Daddy, who had apparently just gotten off the phone with Holly and had some serious concerns about her current state of mental health. Or as he put it, "That girl sounds like she's one step away from taking a long walk off a short pier and something ought to be done about it." Which translated into, Holly was too stressed for his liking and he expected Teddy to fix it. Just how she was supposed to do that, he didn't say. What he did say, however was, "You better get that girl's mind off work and get her relaxed, 'cause I want her as sweet and smooth as your Mama's banana puddin', by the time I get down there for the grand opening, no matter what it takes."

And, just like that, Teddy was handed the one way ticket to Hollyville she'd been waiting for. Because, when Max said no matter what it takes, that's exactly what he meant. He didn't care what Teddy had to do, he wanted Holly calm, cool and collected, when he got there, whether she wanted to be calm, cool and collected, or not.

Well, needless to say, it didn't take long for the wheels to start turning and, before she hung up the phone, Teddy was thinking up ways to reduce Holly's stress level. It's also needless to say that most of her initial ideas had to do with them getting hot and bothered between the sheets. Then, about the time she got done doing her "I gotcha now" happy dance around the living room, reality began setting in and with it came some cold hard facts.

For one, although Max had given her his blessing to do with Holly what she would, so to speak, the time frame he'd set only gave her six days to do it in. And, two, with the Paradise so close to its grand opening, there was no way Holly was going to agree to take a couple of days off, even with Max's blessing. So, unless she planned on shooting the woman she loved with a tranquilizer gun and tying her to the bed, which another blonde she knew would've enjoyed, but didn't fit into Teddy's vision of a romantic weekend, the chances of her getting any anytime soon were as slim to none as they were before Max called.

Of course, none of this is to insinuate Teddy had any intentions of giving up. Not by a long shot. Once she had her ticket, she was gonna get it punched, one way or another. All she had to do was figure out how to get Holly away from the resort for a couple of days, without Holly knowing that's what she was doing. Fortunately for Teddy, this wasn't the first time she was gonna have to be sneaky. As a matter of fact, sneaky was one of the things she did best and, with a little help from her friendly neighborhood James Bond wannabe, aka Rolando, it wasn't long before she had a foolproof plan to, not only get Holly away from the Paradise, but to get her off the island, entirely.

Thus, the proverbial wild hare was born and, foregoing the details of how Teddy managed to talk Holly on board Frank's sea plane, it was sufficient to say that when the blonde found out the supposedly quick jaunt around the island was going to be made via Orlando, Teddy was lucky Frank had gone through so much trouble to rearrange his flight schedule on such short notice, because it meant he wasn't in any mood to get caught in the middle of a cat fight.

Otherwise, when he landed at the Piper Shoals to refuel and pick up two more passengers, the tall brunette might have been missing some important body parts, like her head. As it was, though, with Frank sending the plane into a spin every time Holly started to raise a ruckus, Teddy survived to reach her old stomping grounds. Whether she'd still be alive, when the plane took off again, on the other hand, was as yet to be seen.

"Feet don't fail me now." Jumping out the co-pilot's door, as the plane coasted to the dock, Teddy hit the ground running.

"Oh, no you don't." Lunging for the passenger door, Holly pulled on the handle. "Grrrrrr. How do you open this thing?"

"Always the same thing." Rolling his eyes, Frank flipped the switch to cut off the engine. "Nobody ever reads the instructions." He sighed, then slipped his arm between the seats, to point at the door. "Read the label."

"What?" Looking down at the handle, Holly saw a white label just above it, with the word 'pull' in big red letters and an arrow aimed at the ceiling. "Oh." She said, yanking the handle upward, instead of outward this time. Click, went the latch, out swung the door and out popped Holly, followed by a maniacal laugh, as she took off like a shot. "Ha! You're mine now!"

"Uh oh." Hearing the tale tell sign of an irate blonde in hot pursuit, Teddy kicked it into overdrive for a home stretch sprint to the dockside terminal. "Look out! Comin' through!"

Holly, who was in a less discriminating mood, took the more direct approach to clearing her path. Running like a woman possessed, or, in this case, pissed, she gave everyone fair warning with an angry "Outta my way," before plowing through, like a bull in a china shop, all the while keeping her eyes on the fleeing brunette. "You can run, but you can't hide!"

And with those parting words as inspiration, Teddy burst through the terminal doors.

"Hey, watch where you're going." Sam frowned at having nearly been run over.

"Sorry." Teddy mumbled, as she skidded to a halt and bent over to catch her breath. Then, looking up, to give the woman an apologetic smile, she did a wide-eyed double take. "Aaaaa! How'd you," she started, then looked again. "Whoo, ya had me scared there, for a second."

Doing a double take of her own, Sam shook her head. "Can't be."

“Hey," laying her hand on the blonde's shoulder, "if ya had Lizzy Borden on your ass, where would ya hide?"

Sam blinked, blinked again, then shrugged. "The men's restroom?"

Suddenly, Teddy's eyes lit up. "Thanks, I owe ya one." She said, making a mad dash for the other end of the room.

"No problem." Sam waved and was about to turn around, to rejoin her partner at the lunch counter, when the doors burst open, yet again. "Hey, look where you're . . ." Face to face with a very close facsimile of what she'd looked like in her late twenties, she skipped the double take and went straight for the throat. "Okay, now it's getting weird."

"Where is she?" Growling at the room, in general, Holly gave the woman closest to her the once over, but since she wasn't six feet tall, blue-eyed and brunette, she quickly discounted her as her intended victim and continued her search, which didn't take long. Scanning the room, she spied Teddy trying to do the old hide in plain sight routine, at the counter. "Aha! There you are!"

Shaking her head, Sam watched the blonde storm away and waited for the inevitable.

"Hey!" Hauled off the stool from behind, Tina spun around in time to duck a right cross aimed at her head. "Whoa! What are you doing?"

"Beating you to a bloody pulp, that's what." Holly stated, in no uncertain terms, and, drawing back for another wallop, frowned instead. "You're not Teddy."

"No, I'm Tina." Straightening to her full height, she put her hands on her hips. "Nice of you to notice."

Lowering her arm, Holly stepped back for a better look. "Wow, that's really weird."

"What is?" Tina asked, caught off guard by the intensity of the perusal.

"You look a lot like somebody she's looking for." Sam chuckled, as she strolled up behind her counterpart.

"How do you know?" Turning as she asked, Holly did a double take. "Whoa."

"Ummm, I know the feeling." Sam nodded and held out her hand. "Lizzy Borden, I presume?"

"Lizzy Borden? No, I'm . . . wait a second." Her eyes narrowing to slits, Holly put two and two together and came up with a rat. "Where is she?"

"Where's who?" Tina asked.

"Teddy." Holly growled.

"Who's Teddy?" Asking again.

"The other you." Sam replied, patting Tina's shoulder.

"Oh." Tina nodded and sat down on the stool. "I'm lost."

"Don't worry," Sam smiled, "I'll explain it later."

Making a show of folding her arms across her chest, Holly added an arched eyebrow to her otherwise unamused persona. "So, how do you know Teddy?"

"Down girl." Sam chuckled. "I'm happy with the one I've got. Yours I met when she nearly ran me down coming in." She said, gesturing over her shoulder, at the entrance.

"Oh." Somewhat mollified, Holly put her eyebrow back down. "So, where is she?"

Taking he turn at making a show, Sam put her hands on her hips. "That depends on why you want to beat her to a blood pulp?"

"Because she's a lying, conniving, kidnapping little weasel, that's why."

Sam did her blinking thing again. "What?"

Holly rolled her eyes and, unfolding her arms, she pointed at the empty stool next to Tina. "Sit, this is gonna take awhile."

************

Half an hour later, Holly strolled into the men's room. "All right, I know you're in here; so you might as well come out."

Silence.

"It's okay, I'm not mad, anymore."

Silence.

"Really, I'm not. I've thought it over and you were right."

Silence.

"Okay, so maybe I didn't think it over. Sam and Tina said you were right and I agreed with them."

"Who's Sam and Tina?"

Smiling, Holly leaned up against one of the sinks. "Sam's the blonde you almost ran over and Tina is the brunette I almost decked."

"What ya wanna hit her for?"

Rolling her eyes, Holly let out a sigh. "Why else? I thought she was you."

Silence.

"I know. I know, but that was before we started talking."

"Bout what?"

"About you and why you're kidnapping me."

"I'm not kidnappin' ya. I'm gettin' ya to relax."

"Oh, is that what you call it?"

"Somethin' like that."

"Uh huh and, just out of curiosity, you couldn't think of any other way to do it, without taking me off the island?"

"Nope."

"I see. So, am I that bad, or are you losing your sneaky touch?"

Silence.

"I'm that bad?"

Silence.

Nodding to herself, Holly sighed again. "Okay, so, what's this great relaxation cure all Orlando's got that you apparently can't get on the island?"

"Home."

"Home? I thought you were from Miami."

"Heaven forbid." came a disgusted snort, as Teddy stood up to peek over the top of the stall door. "I only transferred down there in high school, so I could go to work for Max."

"Ooooh." As the fog cleared, Holly pushed off the sink and walked over to the stall. "So, you're originally from Orlando, huh?"

"Born and bred."

"Uh huh and what, pray tell, would we be doing in Orlando, if I don't decide to have you arrested for kidnapping, that is?" She asked rather haughtily.

Smiling more to herself, than anything else, Teddy slung her arms over the door. "Oh, I dunno. We could sit on the porch and wave at the cars goin' by. That's real popular with us southerners, ya know."

"Mmmmm, is it, now?"

"Yep, we like wavin' at yankees, especially. Makes 'em nervous."

Holly banged on the door with a laugh. "Get out of there."


"And if ya smile? They'll look at ya, real funny. Like you're up to somethin'."

"Out."

"It's the truth."

"I don't care. I'm not waving at cars."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not natural."

"Not natural? Now, hang on one doggone minute. Just where the hell are you from, to be callin' wavin' unnatural?"

"Chicago, what's it to ya?"
"Chicago?!" Grabbing her chest, Teddy flung herself against the wall. "You're a... you're a yankee!"

"Get out the door."

"Lord have mercy, what's my Daddy gonna say for me bringing home a yankee?"

"Move it."

"Why... I'll be excommunicated, or worse... I'll... I'll be branded a... a...a yankee lover. Lord, what am I gonna do?"

"Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn, but, if you're not out that door in two seconds? You're gonna have my footprint branded all over your butt."

"So, does that mean you're not gonna have me arrested?"

"On one condition."

"What's that?"

”While we're in Orlando, we have to go to the BardCon."

"BardCon? What the hell is that?"

"A convention for bards."

"Okaaay and we're goin' because?"

"Because it sounds a lot more fun than scaring the tourists."

"Hey, don't knock it, til you've tried it."
 

To be continued in Chapter 8 ....

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