It’s a Small Uber World After All
Chapter Three
SX Meagher
"Damn, I feel like I've been up for days," Jamie said, yawning loudly. "What time did we get up?"
"We got up at 8:00, but since our bodies are on California time – I guess we've been up since 5:00 a.m. That's a little early, even for me." Ryan stretched her long frame across the bed, then snagged a pillow and placed it under her head. "I think it's time for a nice, long nap."
The young blonde woman lay down, then snuggled up next to her partner and started to perform a nice, slow massage on the skin of her belly. "Nap, huh?"
"Mmm ... a little lower, please." Ryan turned to face Jamie and gave her a sexy grin. Her white teeth were exposed, and her eyes narrowed a bit when she took the smaller hand and slipped it into her shorts. "Don't you think this is the perfect time to reconnect a little? It feels like it's been weeks since we've been ..." She tilted her chin and gave her partner a deep, long kiss, exploring her mouth with an unhurried thoroughness.
"Unh ..." Jamie groaned. She returned the kiss with equal passion, letting herself savor the clean, fresh taste of her lover's mouth. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do," she said. Her hand popped out of Ryan's pants, and she quickly sat up. "But I can think of something we have to do."
"No, not yet," Ryan pleaded. "We don't have to be on time!"
"Honey, what's the point of coming all the way to Orlando if we're not going to be on time?"
"How many guests are invited?" Ryan asked. "A couple of hundred?"
"At least."
"Statistically speaking, the odds of our being missed are very, very small."
"Nice try, Ryan, but it doesn't take a mathematical genius to calculate that the odds of my mother missing us are very, very high."
"Good point." The brunette leapt to her feet and dashed for the bathroom. "If you're a good girl, I'll let you join me in the shower."
"You're the one who talked me into getting all sweaty," Jamie complained. "And not in the fun way, either."
"Oh, getting back on a bike was just the way to get our blood moving," Ryan said. "Although I'd like to get your blood pumping in a more horizontal way later on."
"It's a date, babe. If we have to make nice all day with the very proper Smith family, I'd better get some hot lovin' to make up for it."
"You? You're related to 'em," Ryan complained.
"Get a move on, O'Flaherty. The faster we go, the quicker we leave."
"Now you're talkin'. I know the best part of this day will be once we're back in this room." The happy smile that covered her face gave testament to how fervently the brunette held this belief.
************
Their demanding schedules had prepared them well for getting dressed in a hurry, and the young women were ready to go in just under forty-five minutes. They stopped by Jamie's mother Catherine's room, with Ryan knocking firmly and announcing, "Room service," in a strange, polyglot accent.
Catherine Evans was used to her daughter-in-law's sense of humor, and she called out, "Just leave the tray outside. I'll add a small tip to the bill."
Ryan rolled her eyes and asked Jamie, "How can I have any fun if I can never pull her chain?"
"She's too smart for both of us," Jamie decided, smiling when her mother opened the door. "Hi, Mom. Ready?"
"I am," Catherine replied. She beckoned the pair inside, then looked carefully at the young women and gave a wide smile of approval. "You both look so lovely, girls. And Ryan finally has a chance to wear her summer outfit. Florida is just the place for you, honey."
"Yeah," the brunette said, "but then I couldn't wear my winter outfit. If it ain't one thing, it's another." Ryan's reticence to spend money on dressy clothing was a long-running joke with the Evans women, neither of whom shared Ryan's phobia.
"You look great, too, Mom. Very summery and elegant."
"Thanks, honey. It's nice to be able to wear something so light at this time of year. I was beginning to tire of my spring wardrobe."
"There aren't enough days in the year for you to run through your closet," Ryan teased. She sat on the edge of the couch and asked, "Do I need to be prepped before meeting these folks? Jamie tells me they're a little tightly wrapped."
"That's an understatement, Ryan dear." Catherine tilted her head in thought and said, "The Smiths are, as you know, my father's side of the family. We didn't socialize with them much, mostly because my father didn't like to socialize with anyone who didn't play golf, sail or go deep-sea fishing. My mother never warmed up to the Smiths, so we saw them mostly at funerals and weddings. Like today," she added.
"Give me the rundown," Ryan said. "Who's who?"
"The bride, Reese, is the daughter of my father's youngest brother, Williams and his wife, Carson. Carson is Williams' second wife, and she's significantly younger than he is. He has children that are older than I am, but Reese is just a little older than Jamie."
"Did you say William?" Ryan asked.
"No, dear, Williams. It's a family name."
Rolling her eyes, Ryan said, "I should have known. What is the connection between having money and having a last name as your first name?"
"Gee, I don't know, Siobhán Ryan O'Flaherty," Jamie teased. "It must be a sign of pretension."
Ryan gave her partner a tickle and said, "Fine, the current tally is Evans women two, O'Flaherty none. Now are we ready to go? Remember, the faster we go, the faster we leave."
"Not looking forward to this, Ryan?" Catherine asked, knowing the answer.
"I prefer weddings where everyone is barefoot, drunk and dancing."
"Two out of three isn't bad," Catherine said. "You might have a good time, after all."
************
The threesome got on the elevator, and just as the doors began to close, a voice called out, "Hold it!"
Jamie pushed the button, and the doors opened to a tall, curly-haired, middle-aged woman. Her T-shirt read, "Xena and Gabrielle are doin' it," and she nodded her thanks to Jamie as she settled in the back corner of the elevator. The elevator made four more stops on the way to the lobby, and each stop added a few more lesbians. Even Catherine was able to detect the phenomenon, and she gave Ryan an impish smile as a pair of women entered, wearing matching T-shirts, shorts and fanny packs and sporting identical haircuts.
When the elevator reached the lobby, all of their fellow passengers turned to the left, while Jamie and Catherine turned to the right. A quick grab of Ryan's waistband stopped her from following the other women, with Jamie laughing at Ryan's pathetic whimpering. "I wanna go with them," she moaned.
"You don't even know where they're going," Jamie said, laughing heartily.
"Don't care. It's gotta be more fun than this wedding."
Catherine smiled. "Now, dear, just give it a try. If you're having a horrible time, you two can go lie by the pool. No hard feelings."
Ryan stopped trying to wriggle away from Jamie's hold and turned to face her mother-in-law. "I'm just playing," she said. "I'm happy to go to the wedding. No matter how bad it is, being with you and Jamie can make anything fun."
"That's the spirit," Catherine said. "We'll have fun no matter what."
************
They made it to the service just in time, finding seats in the back of the church which was nearly filled to capacity. The ceremony was one of the grandest that Ryan had ever attended, with so many bridesmaids and groomsmen that she lost count. "How many people are in this thing?" Ryan asked.
"I think she has every one she's met in the last six years in the wedding," Jamie whispered.
Ryan looked around, admiring the opulent stained-glass windows. "This is a very pretty church. I hope they have good music; I love to sing along."
Jamie patted her leg and gave her a warm smile. "Any singing will be done by pros, honey. I think you're gonna have to stifle your creative impulses."
"Mmm ... maybe they'll have karaoke at the reception," the brunette mused.
Jamie gave her a look, expecting Ryan to have a goofy grin on her face, but the brunette seemed to be completely serious. "If they have karaoke,” Jamie said, “I promise I'll sing something scandalous. You can choose the song."
"My choice?" Now Ryan's face lit up, and Jamie knew the brunette would be occupied for the duration of the service, thinking of the most embarrassing song the machine might carry.
************
They returned to the hotel for the reception and had been in the room for quite a few minutes before Catherine spotted anyone she knew. "That's my father's sister, Emily. Goodness, I haven't seen her in years. She lives in Bermuda and rarely comes back to the States."
"Bermuda, huh?" Ryan asked, "I bet there's some good snorkeling there."
"There is, but you'd drown yourself if you had to spend much time with Emily," Catherine warned. "Here goes." She marched over to the stately, elegantly put-together woman and said, "Aunt Emily. How are you?"
"Catherine! It's been years!" The older woman seemed genuinely glad to see her niece, and she quickly turned her attention to Jamie. "Why, Jamie Evans, I can't believe how you've grown!"
"Yes, Aunt Emily," Jamie said, smiling. "I'm twenty-one now. All grown up."
"Oh, you still have a lot of maturing to do," Emily said. "My boys are in their fifties, and they're still getting into mischief."
Uh-oh, Ryan thought, sounds like another branch of the family that summers at the Betty Ford Clinic.
"This is Ryan O'Flaherty," Catherine said. "Ryan, this is my aunt, Emily Stewart."
"Pleased to meet you," Emily said, her plastic smile in place.
"My pleasure," Ryan said, matching the older woman's smile in percentage of artificiality.
"How are things in Bermuda, Aunt Emily?" Catherine asked.
"Oh, you know how it is in a place like Bermuda. The weather is to my taste, but whenever people from the Southern Hemisphere make up the majority, you have to tolerate a certain ... indolence," the older woman said. "They don't have the Protestant work ethic that I'm used to."
Catherine gave her aunt a tense smile and said, "You could always live in Europe, Aunt Emily."
"Oh, no! I can't stand all of the rain and cold weather in England. And the other European countries are so ... Mediterranean."
"It is a problem finding the right place to live, isn't it?" Catherine asked. "Oh, there's Uncle Williams. I must say hello."
"Come back and talk to me," Emily said. "You have a foreign-born maid, don't you, Catherine? I could use some advice on how to get things through mine's thick head."
"Oh, I look forward to it," Catherine said. She led the younger women away, muttering, "Work ethic, my ass! That woman has never known an honest day's work in her life!"
"Mom," Jamie soothed, "we're swimming in foreign waters now. Just remember that it's very temporary. We'll be on our way back home tomorrow."
Catherine stopped and took a breath. "You're right, honey. I just think of how much I used to be like these people, and it embarrasses me."
"You're not like that any longer, Mom. That's all that counts."
"I suppose so, dear." Catherine gave her daughter a smile and said, "All I can do is try to have some empathy for how empty life is when you focus on the material side of it to the exclusion of emotional connections. I should feel sorrow for these people, not just anger."
"That's the ticket, Catherine. They're missing out on so much. It's hard to believe you could live in Bermuda and have nothing but complaints about it."
"Ryan, should Aunt Emily make it to heaven, she'll drive St. Peter mad with all of her grievances. She could try the patience of all of the saints!"
"What's your uncle like?" Ryan asked. "Is he as bad?"
"Only in some ways. He was always my favorite of my father's family, but he has his own issues."
"Can't wait," Ryan said, wrinkling her nose.
They approached a silver-haired man in a gray, striped morning coat and Catherine said, "Uncle Williams?"
The man turned, and when he faced them, they saw that he was wide-eyed with anxiety. "Oh, Catherine," he said, sighing heavily. "Forgive me, dear, but I'm having a hell of a day."
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, I don't know what's wrong with the people who run this hotel, but they've scheduled some kind of freak show right down the hall. Everyone is sure to notice, and it'll ruin Reese's big day! Carson has been throwing a fit for the last half hour, and if I don't get her calmed down, there's going to be a scene!"
"Where is she?" Catherine asked.
"The last time I checked, she had some employee by the ear. They were right outside the side door." He signaled with his head, looking helpless as he did so.
"There's no need for the two of you to have so much stress today," Catherine said. "Let me go see if I can help."
"Oh, Catherine, you have no idea how much I would appreciate that." He rolled his eyes and said, "Marrying a younger woman isn't all it's cracked up to be. No one tells you that no matter how old they get, they're still twenty-five years younger than you are! When I'm ninety, she'll be a spry sixty-five!"
There's no way you'll see ninety, and on the off chance that you do, Carson will have moved on to greener fields, Catherine thought, but wisely kept her thoughts to herself. "I'll see what I can do. Jamie, Ryan, do you want to come with me?"
"Yes!" both women answered simultaneously.
"Oh, Jamie, how rude of me!" Williams said. "Please forgive me for not even acknowledging you."
"That's all right, Uncle Williams. I can see how stressed you are." She took Ryan's hand and said, "This is my partner, Ryan O'Flaherty."
"I'm glad you could come," Williams said, shaking the tall, young woman's hand. "I hope you enjoy yourself."
"I'm sure we will," Ryan said, smiling.
As the women walked away, Williams tilted his head and wondered, Is Jamie a lawyer? Who brings her business partner to a family wedding? He shrugged and thought, I'll never understand young people!
************
Catherine approached the enraged mother of the bride, watching in amazement as Carson harangued the man she was speaking to. To get a little space, the man was trying to back up, but Carson was having none of it, leaning into him like a dog on the end of her leash. "If you want to be paid for this event, you'll make sure that my guests don't have to consort with a bunch of badly dressed lesbians." She said each of these words in a loud tone, dropping her voice only on the last one.
"Mrs. Smith, we've been through this before. There's nothing I can do about your views regarding our guests. I still can't see how the other gathering impacts negatively on your event."
"My guests are some of the most socially prominent people in Orlando," Carson said. "This is a formal event, and everyone is dressed exquisitely. The women down the hall look like they're going to some sort of lesbian wrestling match!"
The man looked like he was at the limit of his patience. "There isn't a person in the hotel who has violated our dress code, Mrs. Smith. The fact that you don't approve of some of our quests is a personal problem that I can't rectify."
"Personal problem! A personal problem!?!" She took in a breath, and just before she let it out, Catherine stepped in.
"I'm sorry to intrude, but maybe I can be of some help."
Carson turned and immediately tried to regain her composure. "Oh! Catherine, you can't imagine what's going on here."
"Williams told me what's going on, dear. I have a lot of experience in dealing with situations like this from all of my charity work, Carson. We're always having misunderstandings with the hotels we deal with. This is such a big day in your life ¾ why don't you go back inside and let me try to help resolve this. I'm sure Reese needs you."
"Oh, my Reese is so distraught," Carson moaned. "Her wedding is being absolutely ruined."
"Go on in," Catherine urged. "Take care of Reese. I guarantee we can reach some sort of accommodation."
"You're a life saver," Carson said. Turning to glare at the man, she said, "We're not paying another dime for this fiasco. We'll see you in court!"
As the woman stormed away, Catherine said, "I'm so sorry for that display. My name is Catherine Evans, and this is my daughter, Jamie, and her lover, Ryan."
The man's eyes opened wide, and he extended his hand, "I'm Chris Anderson, and I'm the manager of special events at the hotel. Mr. and Mrs. Smith are more than a little angry, as you saw, but there's really nothing I can do about the situation."
"We just arrived, but it sounds like my relatives are going ballistic because of a lesbian event down the hall. Is that correct?"
The man sighed. "I have no idea what the sexual orientation of our guests is. I can't imagine why it matters."
"Knowing my family, it's partially sexual orientation and partially social class," Catherine said. "They don't like much diversity in any area."
Chris smiled, asking, "Are you sure you're related?"
"Yes, we're related," Catherine said, "but I've had the benefit of having my mind opened in the last year. Jamie and Ryan have helped to make me a more well-rounded person." She shrugged and added, "We're only here for the weekend, so I don't think the girls can work their magic on the Smiths."
"Will you try?" Chris asked, looking hopeful.
Ryan cocked her head and asked, "Where is the event that has the Smith's upset?"
"It's all the way at the end of this hall. That's part of the problem. There are a number of people standing outside of the event, and all of the Smith's guests have to walk past to reach the wedding."
"Is there another door that's closer to the wedding?"
"Yes, but it's not the most direct route. The valet parking is right next to the far entrance."
Ryan looked at Jamie and said, "We can figure out a way around this. Let's go take a look." The four of them walked to the far end of the hall, noting the large sign in front of the event that was causing the contention. "Bardcon?" Ryan asked Chris. "What's a Bardcon?"
"I'm not sure," he answered. "All I know is that the Smith's don't want their guests to have to walk past it."
"We can handle this, Chris," Jamie said confidently. "You can go take care of your next calamity."
"Are you certain?" he asked.
"Not to worry," she insisted. "This is a simple problem with a simple solution."
He gave her a funny look, but took her at her word, shaking each of their hands before he answered his constantly ringing beeper.
"I hope you have a solution," Ryan said, "'cause I'm still working on it."
"I think I know where Jamie's going with this," Catherine said. "And I think it'll work." She turned to Ryan and said, "If my guess is correct, you'll be back in your usual clothes faster than we thought."
Ryan turned and started for the elevators, once again pulled up short by Jamie. "Not that fast, sport. We have a little work to do first."
"I knew it was too good to be true," Ryan said, a dramatic faux pout on her face.
************
Twenty minutes later, the plan was in full swing. Jamie was stationed by the front door, just next to the valet parking stop. If the people who emerged from an arriving car were expensively dressed society members, she approached them and asked if they were there for the Smith-Westwood wedding. If so, she escorted them along the outside of the building, past the lovely lake, and handed them off to Catherine, who was waiting by the door next to the wedding.
Conversely, if the guests were average-looking people, who looked like they knew how to smile and have fun, Jamie sent them right in, telling them that Bardcon was being held in the first event hall.
Ryan was stationed halfway down the hall, in charge of keeping the Bardcon guests from straying down the hall towards the wedding. She was wearing her friendliest smile, so none of the people she encountered seemed to mind her gentle direction.
A pair of well-dressed women approached, and Ryan was just about to ask if they were looking for the Smith-Westwood wedding, but there was something about them that made her change her question. "Can I help you find something?"
"We're looking for a pay phone," the taller of the pair said.
"Oh, there's a bank of phones right by the front door. They're the closest ones."
"Thanks," the woman said. She gave Ryan a look and asked, "Do you work here?"
"No," the brunette admitted, "I'm just hanging out. Are you attending Bardcon?"
"Yes, we are," the attractive blonde woman replied. "Aren't you?"
"No, I wish I were, even though I don't know what it is," Ryan said.
"Pardon?" the blonde asked.
"I'm attending a family wedding, and your group looks like a lot more fun."
"It is fun," the taller of the couple replied. "It's a fiction convention."
"I couldn't help but notice there are a lot of lesbians in the group," Ryan said. "Is it lesbian fiction?"
The blonde smiled and shook her head. "Not at all ... uhm ..."
"I'm Ryan." The young woman extended her hand in greeting.
"I'm Torrey, and this is my lover, Taylor. The focus of the convention is fiction written about certain TV shows. I suppose that lesbians make up a disproportionate percentage of the fans, particularly of ‘Xena, Warrior Princess.’"
"Oh ..." Ryan nodded her comprehension. "I always meant to watch that one."
Taylor spoke, saying, "It was a great show. Some of the people here have written stories based on the series ... and some are quite well known." She cast a fond glance at her partner, and Ryan caught the look that Torrey sent back.
"Are you a writer?" Ryan asked Torrey.
Taylor spoke first. "She's a marvelous writer, Ryan, but this isn't her genre. Maybe you've heard of her ... Torrey Gray?"
Ryan shook her head, saying, "Unless you've written math or biology textbooks, I'm sure I'm not familiar with your work. But my partner is an English major, and she's aware of the world at large." She chuckled at her own joke, then picked up a hotel notepad. "Would you write your name down? I don't want to screw it up."
Torrey nodded agreeably and did as Ryan asked. "Here you go. You two should stop by if you have a chance. It's a fun group."
"I'm sure Jamie, my lover, would be very interested. How long does it last?"
"It's only today, but it should continue until about 5:00 p.m.," Taylor replied.
"Thanks. Thanks a lot," Ryan said. "Maybe this trip won't feel like such a waste after all."
************
Catherine and Jamie walked down the hall and spotted Ryan leaning against a massive potted plant. "I think we're finished," Catherine said. "The reception started almost two hours ago, and I can't imagine that we'll have many more arrivals."
"Things have been slow down here," Ryan said. "But I have a little surprise to add to our itinerary if you're in the mood, Jamie."
The green-eyed blonde immediately perked up. "Surprise?"
"Yep. And that means that I'm not ready to tell you what it is. You have to wait until the reception's over."
"For services rendered, I think you've earned a reprieve," Catherine decided. "Let's go say goodbye to the happy family, and you two can go wherever you wish."
"Now you're talkin', Catherine. My energy level is picking up already."
************
Almost immediately they encountered Williams and Carson, the couple looking moderately happy now that their guests had been properly escorted. "Catherine," Williams said. "You were positively brilliant!"
"Oh, Catherine, you saved the day," Carson agreed. "We're finally able to relax and enjoy ourselves."
"It was our pleasure," Catherine said. "Don't mention it."
"Nonsense," Williams said. "The three of you made this day one to remember for us."
"How did you manage to control that mob?" Carson asked.
"It was hardly a mob," Jamie said, narrowing her eyes. "Just a bunch of people who are fans of certain kinds of fiction."
"I tried to shoo some of them away, and they were remarkably rude to me," Carson said. "Did you fare better with them?"
"Yes, but that stands to reason," Jamie said, smiling thinly.
"Really? Why's that?"
"I speak lesbian," the blonde said, earning smiles from her mother and partner and puzzled looks from her other relatives.
************
At 11:00 that night, Ryan opened the door of their room, dropped the card key on the dresser and fell face first onto the bed.
"Tired, sweetie?" Jamie asked.
"I was tired at 10:00 a.m. Now, I'm exhausted."
The energy was pouring off Jamie, and she bounced a little on the bed. "I'm so energized! It was so much fun being with all of those women who are creating their own publishing opportunities! How cool is that, Ryan?"
"Way ... way ... cool," the brunette mumbled against the bedspread. "I'll dream about how cool it is."
"Hey, I thought you were going to rock my world tonight," Jamie reminded her. "Where's my hyperactive sweetie-pie?"
"Leave a message, and she'll get back to you in the morning," Ryan replied. "The activity, hyper or otherwise, has been drained out of your sweetie-pie. I think the three hour dinner did it. Lesbians talk too much."
"I think I'll go meet up with the girls down in the bar," Jamie said. "They know how to have a good time."
Ryan's dark head lifted and one eyebrow rose.
Smiling, Jamie stood and undressed, then began to work on her limp partner's clothes. "I suppose I'd rather be with you than a bunch of strangers." She leaned over to remove Ryan's shorts, tugging them off when the brunette lifted her hips. "You're low-energy, but you're mine."
"Low energy, huh?" Ryan asked, a little bit of the natural sparkle coming back into her eyes.
"That's my tiger," Jamie said, lying down next to her.
"I don't know if I can manage tiger status, but I've got a little energy left for a good cause."
The blonde batted her eyes becomingly. "Am I a good cause?"
"You're the best there ever was, Jamers. Now let's stop talking and start kissing. Time is of the essence."
"I love a woman with a sense of purpose," Jamie said. "Especially when the purpose is me."
************************************
“Whoops! C’mon... there’s something else I wanted to show you here.”
“This is amazing. So crowded, so busy,” the bard commented as she looked around the airport terminal. “People used to really travel this way?”
“Oh yes. It was quite popular, and the fastest way to get around in this day and time.” A hand on her arm made her stop and look down. “What is it, Little One?”
“Those two women.... they look very familiar.” The blonde gestured towards a couple that had stopped at the baggage claim to pick up their bags.
“Do you remember your history? The tall woman is Taylor Kent, a well-respected artist. The smaller woman is her partner, best selling author, Torrey Gray. They are on their way to a showing at the National Gallery here.”
“Oh, can we go? Please?” Green eyes looked beseechingly up into electric blue. The warrior smiled down fondly at her bard. “Please? You know I adore her work.”
“Sure, love. Let’s go.”
“I love this place.”
Now the brunette laughed out loud. “I know. We come here every time we visit the capital city. C’mon. I think Taylor’s exhibit is set up....” She took the smaller woman by the hand, and they walked toward the slowly gathering crowd. The warrior was brought up short by a tug on her hand. She raised an eyebrow in mute question.
"Am I seeing things?” The blonde head nodded in the direction of two other women who bore striking resemblance to Torrey and Taylor. A snippet of conversation floated back to them.
“Brooke, this is just the nicest surprise. I mean, I am
looking
forward to going to Bardcon, but this... I have always
wanted
to visit the National Gallery. And having the
opportunity to
meet Taylor Kent....”
The rest of the conversation was lost as the couple walked out of hearing. A blonde eyebrow twitched into place. “Bardcon?”
“We’ll get there eventually, Little One. Let’s go see the exhibit.”
************************************
To be continued in Chapter 4 ....